Five Years Left To Die In

To quote David Bowie from The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars "We have 5 years left to die in" and I`m in my 5th and final year.

I`m not scared of dying but every night I go to bed worrying about whether or not I`ll wake up the next morning.

This is not just because I`ll never see my boys again but because I am days away from finishing my novel David Bowie Sings Again.

I have written 46,785 words and have another 10 or 11,000 to add. There is no way I can die before I finish the book I was born to write.

In December 2013 after my second open heart surgery operation I was told by the consultant "The valve will last up to 5 years" , so this could well have been my last Christmas.

That conversation is never mentioned but as with "Don`t mention the war" to Germans it is always in the back of our minds.

I am so near to completion but wont be `happy` until I finish the final Chapter of my book, not my life.

Like David Bowie I want no funeral.

I just want my boys to keep my scrapbooks and to always laugh when they think of me.

I know my Sam is thinking about what the consultant said as leading up to and all over Christmas he was filming me.

So he will have plenty of images to go with his memories.

I am not `posting` this on Facebook but as with the many letters I`ve written it will be like another official document when I`m gone.

As always the message is "Love you always Sam & Adam - my greatest pleasure was being your Dad"

I could NOT live without you, but you be strong after I`ve gone, and always look out for and LOVE each other.

Every time you hear a David Bowie song or see a Kate Moss picture think of me with a smile on your face.

Love on ya

Dad
xx
xxx