Blackout / Blackstar / Bowie
Recovering from my latest blackout where this time my mind went blank for almost 30 minutes and very worrying as I lose control of my memory.
Adam came back from gym and said I look like a `zombie`. I still feel `wobbly` but to re-start my brain I have a silent Bowie on YouTube and a blasting BLACKSTAR on CD.
As always it`s the lyrics and video clips that re-tune my mind.
I `ve already written the synopsis and first draft of my next book, which has the current working title Father and Daughter , the follow-up to Punk Rock Stories And Tabloid Tales and part 2 of my autobiography , but before publication that will change to something more headline grabbing.
In case I`m not around for publication in October I`m putting some Bullet Points on-the-record and asking my daughter a few questions.
Lucy I honestly and genuinely don`t know why you dislike me and since 2008 have not wanted to see me.
The fact is I have never done anything wrong. The truth is I have never done you any harm.
I can only assume that you hate me because of the lies told to you by her, the taylor family and prevost.
The thing is you are no longer a child and in October you will be Eighteen.
A young adult who should have a mind of her own. A young person who should be interested in the truth,
A young woman who should want to know the truth.
In my new book I could be burning all my bridges by revealing things that may upset you and could mean we`ll never be reunited.
But the truth is I have nothing to lose.
You already hate me because you choose to believe her lies and those of the vile taylor family. That is your choice.
At least this way you will have a genuine reason to hate me.
I am loading the gun for you to fire.
The truth is I would rather you hated me for telling the truth. I can live with that as it will be your genuine decision.
As you approach adulthood I believe it is time you knew the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Every claim I make will be 100 per cent factual. It will be supported by personal testimony from Sam, Adam, your Nan (my Mum) plus legal, medical and court documents.
So question One:
Do you blame me because you haven`t seen your brothers since 2007 ?
Fact:
She stopped Sam and Adam from seeing you.
Fact:
The last time they turned up to see you at a Contact Centre she went mental screaming and shouting:
"Make the most of it you`ll never see her again"
If you don`t believe me you are welcome to read the Social Services document which quotes the social worker saying:
"Mrs Johnson was shouting and swearing saying `this is the last time you`ll see Lucy` "
Both boys still turned up the following week - but she did not.
Question 2.
Do you blame me for not seeing you since 2008 ?
Fact:
Three times I was waiting to see you with presents, sweets and comics - but she did not turn up.
If you don`t believe again you are welcome to read all the official documents.
Between 2005 to 2013 I went to courts all over Essex trying to see you and every time she refused saying "Lucy does not want to see her dad".
I have all the documents.
Question 3.
Do you blame me because you don`t see your Nan (my Mum) ?
Fact:
My mum has tried to see you since 2008 but she and the taylors refused.
First they said "no" and then my mum was told by her "you can only see Lucy if my mum & dad keep watch"
I will never lie to you , so admit I told my mum "Don`t do it".
Why should my mum be bossed about by her and the taylors.
But my mum has never forgotten you.
Ask Sam & Adam.
She comes down from Manchester once or twice a year and always asks about you and moans that she has not seen you.
I don`t know if you got them but my mum always sent you Birthday and Christmas presents.
As did I up until 2012.
I only stopped because both boys said "I bet she doesnt give them to Lucy".
And as I never heard from you I decided they was probably right.
I hope you agree that so far I have proved you have no reason to hate me.
Question 4:
Looking to the future, let me ask you this.
How would you feel as a Mother if your children were verbally sexually abused and violently threatened.
This is what happened to you and your brothers.
Again you can read all the Legal documents and check with Basildon Police.
Her boyfriend admitted his vile and perverted behaviour to the Police.
She confessed to Essex social worker peter brown that she was aware of his crimes but refused to press charges.
This is one of the main reasons your brother have ignored her since 2005.
Are you aware of these facts?
If you still doubt please ask to read my legal documents. Or why don`t you look her in the eye and ask if I`m telling the truth?
Did you know she was criticised by the judge for siding with her boyfriend against your brothers.
Did you know her boyfriend was a pervert, a self-confessed child-abuser and a former pimp.
Check with Basildon police about the `verbal sexual abuse` and `violent threats`.
And Romford Police about his past working with prostitutes who he personally drove to clients.
Remember I was a journo so knew people who could obtain information.
So again you have no genuine reason to hate me.
All I did was protect the three of you from a pervert.
In the book I will reveal what he actually did - but if you can`t wait - I suggest you Google julie johnson and richard grimson.
Question 5:
Do you hate me because of lies told to you by her , the taylors and prevost?
I am not a liar , many things, but never a liar.
If you doubt me then ask my mum about this.
On our Wedding Day my mum said of prevost: "Watch her, she will do everything to break you up".
And she was right.
As you know prevost is dog ugly, common as muck , ginger and swears like a trooper. Lily Savage is more feminine then her.
Well your mother was drop dead gorgeous, blonde and a size 8.
They were best friends and when I started seeing your mum prevost was dead jealous. She lied about me telling people I was a `bad boy`, a druggie, a thug, a criminal.
Without your mum she had no-one to drive her about, no side-kick to attract boys in pubs or clubs.
She hated the fact I`d taken your mother from her.
The slag prevost tried everything to cause us problems.
This is why after we got married I made sure we had nothing to do with her. I think from memory , I aint 100 per cent sure , but I dont think we went to her wedding.
In fact I think we didnt see her from about 1990 to 2002 , something like that.
That is one of the reasons she has slagged me off to you , it`s called revenge babe.
You can check out this next bit.
From memory I think she turned up again in about 2003/04 when she left her husband.
Do me the courtesy of checking the date as it proves my honesty.
It also proves what a genuine nice person I am.
Remember I hated the ginger slag, but because she was short of money and your mum asked, I borrowed the bow bow either £500 or £700.
I`ll be honest and admit she paid it back.
But Lucy if you are as smart as I hope you are , you will guess what I`m going to say next.
As ginger was without a husband, she went on and on at your mum to go pubbing/clubbing with her and put it into her head to leave me and break up the family.
She then provided alibis so your mother could meet up with grimson. The sickest lie was that your mother was attending a funeral so she could spend all day at 40 Hyde Way Wickford.
When your mum left she thought she`d won the lottery.
So you see there was no love lost between ginger and me, it was mutual which is why she has spent 12 years turning you against me.
The same goes for the taylors.
Surely someone as smart as you can work out that if they hated me during the 15 years I was with your Mother they aint gonna say anything nice or tell the the truth after we split-up.
ADMISSION:
I admit I made mistakes.
Your mum started off as the love of my life but then she moved down the pecking order.
I plead "guilty" to that.
It`s part of my character and I cant help it.
Your mother was everything I wanted, but then it was Sam, then Adam , then you , all in front of her and she didnt like it.
SAM and ADAM would follow me everywhere. Such is my character I was more like a mate than a boring Dad.
And you was the apple of my eye, I had 2 sons so when you came along I had a daughter and it was perfect, I doted on you and the older you got the more and more you became a "daddy`s girl".
Your mum did not like how close we were.
It was that fact, the advice of prevost and my illness that persuaded your mum to have three affairs.
I was unwell , the start of my heart problems which led to 5 heart attacks, 2 triple heart bypass ops, a coma and then a stroke , but instead of worrying or even caring about my health your mother started cheating.
How would you feel , if God forbid, in 20 years time you became ill and instead of looking after you or understanding your husband or partner started having affairs?
So again you have no genuine reason to hate me.
I am the 100 per cent innocent party.
I have been denied a daughter, you have lost a Dad.
You and your brothers are strangers because of the evil behaviour of your mum, the taylors and prevost.
If you doubt anything I`ve said I beg you to read all the official documents and ask SAM and ADAM if I`m telling the truth.
SAM has read all the documents, The Punk Poet Blog, The Punk Poet book , Punk Rock Stories And Tabloid Tales and Till Death Us Do Part.
He has also been to The High Court in London with me. He knows everything and Adam has read bits and bobs.
Believe me I have not told you a single lie.
What you dont know is that it was Adam who walked in and caught your mum "at it" in the lounge of 22 Bridge Road with her child-abusing boyfriend.
Dont take my word for it , ask SAM or better still read all about it in all the official and Legal documents.
Even better look your mum in the eye and ask her to explain, go on `face to face` dare her to deny anything I`ve revealed.
There will be a lot more in the book , facts you cant read until you became 18.
